You probably never thought you’d have to learn to date over 60, but here you are – getting ready to put yourself out there.
Ok, time for real talk.
It’s been decades since you’ve dated, a lot has changed. But one thing that remains the same. First dates can be awkward.
And you’re out of dating practice. You’re nervous. Not sure where to start. Well, that’s because you are human. It’s normal.
The process may be different, but the rewards are the same. It’s time to take a chance and find love again.
Here are some advice and tips to help you gain that dating confidence and jump back in the game.
Take the time to heal.
Dating after 60 and widowed is different than dating after a divorce. But either way, you’ll need time to heal and go through the stages of grief.
After a death, the heartbreak is devasting. Life won’t ever be the same.
However, usually, it’s not the soul-crushing personal devastation a divorce can create. A long and messy divorce or an affair can lead to ugly scars and significant self-confidence issues. Understandably.
A divorce can force people to put up walls and hate their exes. And death can cause people to shut down.
The emotional hurdles to overcome with both death and divorce are massive.
After being part of a couple, you may not even know who you are anymore.
Find yourself. Rekindle your love for you. You’ll need the time to heal before you can be open to the chances of finding love at 60.
Know what you are looking for in a partner.
Once you feel ready to go on your first date after 60, make a list of all the things you want in a partner. It might sound silly, but putting your wish list out to the universe has powers beyond your imagination.
Also, it’s been a long time since you dated, possibly decades, so why not take a look at what are your most important aspects of a partner?
This isn’t your first rodeo. And it’s better to find the right person than any person.
This leads to the next piece of advice for singles over 60…
Just because you’re dating after 60, it doesn’t mean you have to accept someone that doesn’t meet your standards. Your time is NOT limited. You are NOT too old.
There is no right age for dating, so don’t be afraid to say goodbye if they aren’t right for you.
It is far better to be single than with the wrong person. Life IS too short for that.
Don’t get discouraged when you date over 60.
Let’s face it. You are probably out of dating shape. So what! Who Cares?
Every person who is dating over 60 was new to it when they reentered the dating world. Be patient. Every date is a chance to rebuild your confidence. Think of each date as a learning experience for better dates in the future.
The saying you kiss a lot of frogs before you meet a prince is around for a reason. There are a lot of frogs out there. As well as toads, dogs, and pigs. So go into your dates with that in mind. If it doesn’t work, move on.
Know where to look for dating success.
There are quite a few dating sites for seniors over 60. eHarmony, Silver Singles, and Match.com are just a few.
But online dating apps aren’t the only way to meet people.
Take a class, join websites like Meet-ups, volunteer, get a part-time job, community organizations and churches/spiritual groups are good places to meet new people.
Go into these places with your eyes and heart open, and you’ll see more opportunities to meet new people.
Don’t go to the coffee shop and sit with your head down in your phone the whole time. How can you achieve dating success if you don’t even know who’s around you? Look up, look around, be present in the moment.
Tell your friends when you’re ready to get back into the dating scene.
This may seem obvious, but not everyone will want to set you up just because you are single.
After a heartbreak, your friends might not want to push you into dating again. In fact, they might not even want to bring it up; they are your friends and don’t want to hurt you. But when you are ready, they will be the first people to introduce you to their friends, single family members, co-workers.
Last, but by all means not least, keep your sense of humor.
Don’t take dating too seriously. It’s not life and death. It’s meant to be fun, so enjoy it.
3 Hot Tips for when you date over 60, and you’re out of dating shape.
The world of dating has changed. These tips will make it go a little smoother.
1. Make the first move.
Maybe back in your dating heyday, women had to wait for the man to make the first move. Those days are over.
It can be nerve-racking to talk to a stranger in a coffee shop or in the check-out line.
What if they are married? Gay? An ax murderer? Not interested?
You aren’t hitting on someone by asking a question. Is that croissant good? How’s your book? I love the muffins here. Whatever, it’s small talk, but it breaks the ice.
It might turn into a more extended conversation or not, but you are gaining confidence either way.
And if they respond saying, yes, these are my wife’s/partner’s favorite, then so be it. Next.
2. Looking for a commitment?
Don’t start with apps like Bumble and Tinder, which are synonymous with hooking up, unless that’s what you want. No judgment here. We are all adults.
But if you are looking for something more, choose dating sites for over 60s or dating apps with fees.
Serious people will pay a monthly fee. Those that just want a little sex won’t.
Some dating sites like eHarmony, have intense applications and questionnaires to help match you with the right person. Go for those if you are looking for a relationship.
3. Not sure what to talk about on your first date over 60?
Prep is vital (when possible).
If you met using a dating app, it’s easy. Know their bio. Read it and ask questions about their passions. Talking about something your date loves will start the convo off on an easy note.
If you met through a friend, ask them for a little back story. Find out what they love to do. Ask why they think you’ll be a good match so you can bring up things you have in common.
If it is someone you met at the grocery line or at the coffee shop, talk food. Favorite restaurant? Favorite dish to cook? How do you cook that eggplant? Use cues from where you are.
Think about the things that make you happy and ask about that. Kids? Grandkids? Travel?
How to date when you’re over 60 and stay safe?
Online dating can be overwhelming and scary. Keep these things in mind for a little peace.
- Meet your dates (especially the first ones) in a public place at a busy time. No secluded areas, even if it is outside. The more people around, the better.
- Don’t share private or personal info.
- Don’t let your date pick you up/or drive you home. They don’t need to know your address.
- Do a little sleuthing. Not stalking. There is a difference. Google the person’s name. Look out for red flags.
- Listen to your intuition. Women especially have powerful instincts. Unfortunately, it is often ignored. But don’t.
If you feel creeped out, there is a reason. Walk away. Don’t be too afraid of hurting someone’s feelings to take care of yourself.
- Pay attention when you are talking, on the phone, or in person. Watch for clues or discrepancies that your date isn’t being honest.
- Tell a friend who you are meeting and where. Also, when you’ll likely be home. If the date is going fabulously, let your friend know you’ll be longer.
- Not everyone is as good-natured as you. Be aware of scams and don’t give anyone money.
Don’t be scared to date. Just be cautious and smart about it.
Like Betty White says, “The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” Remember that!
In some ways dating in your 60s isn’t like dating in your 20’s. But in a lot of ways, it’s the same. You’ll still be nervous picking what to wear on a first date over 60. You’ll even get butterflies when you meet and giddy when they call. And remember the first kiss? Well, that’s going to be the same.
They are the same feelings as when you were 20. Love is love at any age.
What are the chances of finding love at 60? Pretty damn good. Just listen to Mona and Paul, who found true love in their 70s.