Are you true to yourself at all times or do you change to be more
comfortable in some situations? Do you feel good enough as you are,
or do you find yourself wanting to please others to gain their approval?
We all experience moments of inauthenticity when we find ourselves in
situations outside our comfort zone. For example, taking on a new challenge
in life, work or a relationship can bring on fear, insecurity and doubt. Then, we
act differently to avoid feeling rejected or facing possible failure.
Authenticity is the quality of representing our true nature or beliefs. In other
words, it’s being true to ourselves. Authenticity is a quality we strive for, but
can be one of the most difficult to master. Most of us think of it as something
to attain rather than to something that we already are. So, authenticity can be
elusive as we try to get it or have it rather than be it.
Being our true selves implies that we shouldn’t look or change who we
are to be authentic. When we do, then we’ve already lost it! Therefore, by
trying to be authentic we’re not being it. It’s a paradox!
When we’re around people we can usually sense when they are being
inauthentic. It can be painful to be around people putting on a false front or
behaving out of character. In contrast, we can sense when someone is being
honest, open and real. We know it when we see it, and it feels good!
With so much inauthenticity in the world today, we feel relaxed, safer and
more empowered when we are being true to ourselves. Overall, we are
inspired and motivated by authentic people whose personalities, words and
actions are consistent and predictable. We crave realness and want to be
around because it strengthens and inspires us.
So, how can we be more authentic? It’s a matter of uncovering what is
authentic in us and becoming that which we already are in our essence.
At the same time, it is the absence of all that is inauthentic. We don’t do
anything to become authentic; we are authentic when we choose to be
what we already are, no matter what else comes up.
There is nothing more exhilarating and freeing than being our authentic, true
Just be real!
Here are 3 Steps To Being More Authentic:
You may wonder how we can be more authentic in our everyday lives. There
are three steps we can take to be our authentic self all the time.
Put Aside Inauthenticity
This is the most challenging step as we rely on our roles, beliefs, identities
and opinions to make up our identity. We hold these close like familiar and
comfortable friends. These identities make it more predictable and easier for
us to know ourselves, navigate life, and for other people to know how to
interact with us.
What this step requires is that we observe our thoughts and behaviors,
and then say “no” to the ones that no longer align with our whom we are
choosing to be right now. To do this, we need to become a 24/7 observer
of ourselves, our thoughts and feelings. This can only be done when we are
truly present in the moment, listening actively to all we are saying and
thinking. Then, by acknowledging to our thoughts and responses, we can
more easily let go of every condition or belief that does not align with our
highest belief of ourself.
Observe Ourselves and Understand Who We Truly Are
By knowing ourselves on all levels – mentally, emotionally, physically and
spiritually – we experience our truth, strengths, skills and more. This knowing
enables us to feel comfortable in our skin in any environment.
The best way to know ourselves is to observe the beliefs, thoughts, attitudes
and feelings we hold on to. Many of these we learned from people in our past
and influences around us including our family, friends, people of authority, and
societal norms and opinions. It is important to know the beliefs, thoughts,
attitudes and feelings that are truly ours versus those influenced by others.
Once we have identified that which defines us – contributing to our identity –
we then can explore and question all our own thoughts, beliefs and opinions.
We can ask ourselves, “Are these my thoughts, beliefs and opinions or
someone else’s? Do they reflect who I really am? Do they uplift me or cause
me to feel less than my true, powerful self?”
Let’s take time to reflect and quickly write down answers to these questions. It
only takes a few minutes. Once you have, consider your answers. Ask
yourself, “What new choices in beliefs, emotions and behaviors am I
inspired to make to be true to myself all of the time?”
Earlier in life, I held expectations that I would raise three children to be
outstanding people pursuing their own dreams while growing my own career. I
prioritized my career over starting a family. When I realized that my choices
were aligned with what I valued, I was able to detach from the old
expectations that didn’t match who I was choosing to be. From that moment
on, I felt a sense of freedom in setting my own course that was true to me and
did not look back.
In discovering and embracing our authentic selves, we can focus on what we
want that will bring us our greatest fulfillment and joy. These are our
Choose To Be Who We Really Are
Our personal power grows each time we make a choice about who we choose
to be. Who we think we are is usually based on our past thoughts, attitudes
and behaviors. When we are attached to these, our future is often a
replication of our past. We get more of what we already are.
But, in every moment we have the ability to make a new choice on who
we will be in our present and future. This is a moment of real
transformation. When we decide to make a different choice and own it
with intention, then we are stepping into a new reality. Our life can be
changed in that instant. By declaring our new choice with confidence and a
positive mindset, we fully claim it. Then it is up to us to watch for
opportunities that appear in any number of ways, in our thoughts, something
someone says, words we read, and so on, that lead us to our new chosen
reality. While we often think of the opportunities as miracles, this is how
change actually occurs. Know this with confidence!
When I was thirteen, I decided I wanted to see the world and be paid to do it.
I chose that with such conviction and optimism that situations and people
appeared in my life that led me to opportunities for an international business
career. I chose to be a person with an international career well before I even
had one. The excitement and anticipation fueled me as guidance and events
started to appear.
In saying “no” to what we don’t want in our life and “yes” to what we do
want, we create circumstances and environment that we wish to live in.
We can replace old thoughts, behaviors, people and situations with ones that
excite and inspire us and which move us in the direction of our goals and
dreams. Another wonderful outcome is we like and accept ourselves more
each time. This is how we become our own best friend and supporter and
deepen our trust and faith in ourselves.
Follow these three steps to master your self-awareness, self-acceptance and
be the authentic self that you are.
Creating your lifetime of joy and fulfillment depends on it!